giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
