i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
