Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
