...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just saw a hot homeless man
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
