Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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