You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
