Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
