GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
