His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
