So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
