Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
