What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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