Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
