My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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