When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
