Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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