I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
