i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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