Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
