i would punch a child for taco bell
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
