My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
