Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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