I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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