none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
