you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
