I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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