based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
