I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She tied me up with her honor cords...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
