The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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