wanna go halves on a baby?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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