i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
