Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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