how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
