so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
