i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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