Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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