She's JV to your varsity
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
