dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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