I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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