Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
