Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
