Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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