just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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