Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
