do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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