I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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