It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
