life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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