It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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