Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think your dad took our porno
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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