seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Pooping to opera.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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