NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
