shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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