Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
