you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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