I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
